So, I have ... a reader. A READER! Hello, reader.

I shall endeavor to make it worthwhile for you, reader.

OK, so maybe I have two or three.  There's somebody in the USA, according to the stats page on blogger, but... that could just be me, looking to see if there are comments.  There aren't.  (*sob*)  but...  somebody peeked at my blog from somewhere in the Ukraine!

Hello, Ukraine!   Nice to meet you!

And just because I'm happy to have a READER, I shall now do a happy little dance (did ya see that? It was a belly dance.  It embarrassed my kids, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.  The neighbors will complain if I ever do it again, but it was worth it, this once.)

Ok, that was silly.

I planned to post a tulip-shaped dishcloth, and ...  I can't decide how to do it.  I mean, in my brain, I see short-rows.  Lots of them.  and the little center bit is a small mitred square.  The trick is, that the flower isn't supposed to be perfectly round.  It should be a bit elongated.  so..  still working that out.  All ideas and suggestions are welcome.  (That's for you, Ukraine.  Any thoughts?)

In other news, somewhere along the line, and for some unknown reason, I googled "knit a square" and look what I found:

http://www.knit-a-square.com/

How cool is that?  I like it.  I think I shall participate.  

I am That Mom.

Oh, Yarn Harlot, I love you.  (in a completely non-creepy, un-stalkerish, fangirl kind of way. No need for a restraining order.)  You posted (http://www.yarnharlot.ca/) about your bike ride with your daughter, and I swear, I was so very relieved to know that I am not the only mom who is That Mom.  I love that you were still announcing upcoming patches of gravel and protectively admonishing her to be careful.

Thing 1, my little baby boy, a.k.a. "STINKY ROTTEN," as in, "Come on, Stinky Rotten, we have to leave in 12 seconds!"   yeah, that one:  Thing 1 graduated from high school.  Graduated.

Just like that, he aged me into "Mother of Semi-Grown Person" instead of "Mother of High-Schooler."   Jerk.

At graduation, as they were reading all 680 or so names (that's actually literally true), I was crying by the time they hit the Bs.  We are not Bs.  We are Gs.  And I cried all the way through the Ys, because I knew so many of these stinkin' kids, who have all grown up through 12 years of school together.

I made a special point of spit smoothing his hair for a picture after the ceremony.  Just because.

Stay tuned.  We take him to college in August. He refuses to consider staying home and attending community college, so ..  ok.  Big University Out Of Town, here he comes.  

OK. So... the socks:

it's a crew-length or ankle sock. make a swatch. use needles that seem too small; you want a firmly knitted fabric, so your socks will last.  This is an ever-evolving kind of how-to set of instructions for making a sock with YOUR needles and YOUR yarn, to fit YOUR foot (or a foot with which you are acquainted..That's YOUR business.)

If you see errors, please tell me, because I keep reading it over to catch them all.  

here's your formula for your cast on: measure your ankle, subtract an inch, and multiply your guage out by that many inches. so, for an average (9") woman's ankle, it's (9-1)x (guage). If my guage is 9 stitches to the inch, then 8" x 9 sts = 72.

ok, so i cast on 72. i used a multiple of 12, so i could do a wide rib, (10x2) if that number won't work with your guage, then choose a different rib. maybe your cast on number is 80; you could adjust the stitch multiple to 10, and use an 8x2 rib, see?

your socks. your decisions.

so here's the cryptic version:

guage: 9 sts/1"
co 72, join the round.
K2, P2 rib for 1". put a marker on the last round, in a stitch. make sure it's a split marker, so you can get it out later, right?

K10, P2 rib for 6". put a marker on the last round.

redistribute your stitches so that your round begins and ends with K5. (this centers your pattern)

HEEL FLAP:

you make your heel flap and turn your heel on 1/2 of your stitches, give or take one to keep the numbers even. That's pretty normal:

row 1: Knit 36. TURN (working flat now, ignoring the other 36 stitches.
2 (and all even rows): sl 1, purl 35.
3 (and all odd rows): sl 1, K1 across.
repeat rows 2-3 until your heel flap is square. finish with a purl row, placing a marker on one of the center 2 stitches as you did in the ribbing above.  If you tend to hate that tight feeling around the instep, this is where you can add a little space in, by making your heel flap a little longer than square.  But beware.  Too much length in the heel flap will give you that sexy elephant-ankle look.

TURN HEEL:

basically:
you knit to 2 stitches past the very center, then you SSK, K1, and turn.
slip 1, and purl back to the same center point, p2tog, p1, and turn.
look. see the little gap that formed at the points where you turned? you will always close that gap with the appropriate decrease, and the work one more and turn. eventually, you will end up at the ends of your needles. after the first row, you always slip the first stitch. end with a KNIT row, and you'll be ready to move on.

with my numbers, this worked out to:
1: K 20, SSK, K1, turn.
2: Sl 1, P5, P2tog, P1, turn.
3: Sl 1, Knit to one stitch before the gap (i hate counting!), SSK, K1, turn.
4: Sl 1, Purl to one stitch before the gap, P2tog, P1, turn.
repeat rows 3 and 4 until you finish the needle at both sides. you may have to omit the extra K1 or P1 at the end of the last set of rows. End with a knitted (right side) row.

GUSSET:
pick up stitches, one per slipped stitch, along the side of the heel flap. Finagle one extra stitch up in the corner, by pulling up the strand between the first stitch on the next needle and the last picked up stitch, just to tighten that join. place a marker here, if it is not the end of a needle. knit across the instep (36 stitches) in pattern. place a marker here, if it is not the end of a needle. pick up the finagle-ey stitch, and then one stitch fo reach slipped stitch on the other side of the heel flap. knit to the middle of the heel. look. be proud.

readjust your stitches so that:

if you are on 2 circs: I would put ALL the gusset stitches and heel stitches on ONE circ, and I would put only the 36 instep stitches on the other circ. it's a little awkward for a few rounds, but it completely eliminates the need for those irritating side markers. and it makes it much easier to count later. (i hate counting, remember?)

if you are on magic loop: I would work in profile, so the work would be divided halfways from center heel to center instep. the markers stay.

if you are using 5 dpns: learn the 2 circs or magic loop. ha just kidding. put the instep on one needle. put each set of gusset stitches on it's own needle. put the turned heel stitches on their own needle. the markers aren't necessary. You'll end up readjusting after the gusset decreases are done.

now: your decreases are worked EVERY OTHER ROUND. If you are an average woman, the ball of your foot will measure about the same as the ankle, so you decrease down to your original cast on number, and then work even for a while to complete the foot.

so, if you are working on 2 circs, or on dpns, then you work to 3 sts before the end of the gusset needle, k2tog, k1, then work in pattern across the instep to the other side. You'll pick up the gusset needle again, k1, ssk, and knit to the center of the heel, where you might have already placed a marker for the beginning of the round. round 2: plain knit, in pattern on the instep. round 3: work the decreases as on round 1. and continue, alternating decrease rounds with plain rounds until you have your original cast on number again (36 sts on each half of the sock, 72 total)

if you are working on magic loop, in profile, then for your decrease rounds, you knit from the center heel (beginning of round) to 3 sts before the marker, k2tog, k1, slip marker, knit the instep in pattern, slip the marker, k1, ssk, knit to the center heel. alternate decrease rounds with plain rounds until you are back down to 72 total stitches (the original cast on number).

FOOT: knit plain, (in pattern on the instep) until you are about 1 1/2 inches shy of the total foot length. (total foot length, you might ask? why yes, from the back of the heel to the end of the longest toe. stand on a ruler up against a baseboard to measure.) you can also just try on the sock (unless you use dpns) and when you hit pinky toe cleavage, it's time to start decreasing. put another split ring marker to mark the end of the last round.

TOE DECREASES: if you are on 2 circs, it's easy. you decrease on the first and last 3 sts of each needle. if you are in profile, you have to place center markers on each needle again, or readjust your stitches so you aren't in profile anymore.

so, if you are on 2 circs, knitting from the side of the sock, it's k1, k2tog, k to the last 3 sts on the needle, ssk, k1, and repeat on the 2nd needle.

if you are on dpns, from the side of the sock, it's needle 1: k1, k2tog, k to end. needle 2: k to the last 3 sts, ssk, k1. needle 3: just like needle 1. needle 4: just like needle 2.

if you are in profile, then from the center of the heel, you knit to 3 sts before the center marker, ssk, k1, slip marker, k1, k2tog, knit around to 3 sts before the next marker, ssk, k1, slip marker, k1, k2tog, knit to the end of the needle (center of heel again)

ok. whew.

round 1 (and all odd rounds) are decrease rounds.

round 2 (and all even rounds) are plain knit.

when you are down to half the total number of stitches (36 total) it's time to eliminate the plain knit rounds. decrease every round until you are down to about 18 or so stitches. then...

you have 2 choices.

you can kitchener the toe closed, which i will post about later (hey, my fingers are tired from all this mad typing!)

or

you can turn the sock inside out, and do a 3 needle bind off. but then you end up with a little seam at the end of your toe. that can be irritating. i vote for the kitchener stitch.

ok. well, i am sure there are typos in here, but i will read it over again tomorrow, and when i find things that need to be fixed, i will edit and fix it. if you have questions, leave a comment and i will answer you.

this material is basically the sock class that i used to teach. there's more. stay tuned.

Today's knitting brought to you by: AVOIDANCE OF STUFF THAT NEEDS DOING.

AVOIDANCE.  Count on it to help you to create much more stress later, by being much more relaxed RIGHT NOW.

HA

so, I finished the market bag.  It's ... ok.  I mean, it's a kitchen cotton market bag.

and I still have so much more kitchen cotton leftover.  bright yellow:  so I'm using it up on sunshine dishcloths.

CO 15, turn and knit across.

so, to make one sunny wedge:

k2, yo, knit to the last to the last 2 sts, turn.
slip 1, knit back.
k2, yo, knit to the last 4 sts, turn.
slip 1, knit back.
k2, yo, knit to the last 6 sts, turn.
slip 1, knit back.
k2, yo, knit to the last 8 sts, turn.
slip 1, knit back.
k2, yo, knit to the last 10 sts, turn.
slip 1, knit back.
cast off 5, knit to end.
slip 1, knit back.

repeat the wedge, until you have a sunshine.  graft or sew the two edges together, and then cinch up the little hole in the middle... and it's a sunshine dishcloth.

i love this.  it makes me happy.

i hope it makes you happy, too.

stay tuned, because i have some red kitchen cotton that might want to be a dishcloth shaped like a tulip.

Good Friend of the Day:

So, I got up this morning.  I dragged my sad, chubby self into the living room, sighed a deep, self-loathing sigh (ohhhh  i feel craappppyyyyy) and decided to do some yoga.  I'm new to yoga.  What I hear is that one of the basics of yoga is compassion and acceptance of one's self and respect for one's body.  I need to learn these skills, so.. yeah.  yoga.

I was yoga-ing, however imperfectly, and frankly enjoying it thoroughly, and my phone rang.

As I gave in, paused the yoga video and went to check the message, I notice my friend, with 2 of her daughters, in her minivan, parked outside.  Huh. She said, "Come with me to the craft store.  I will buy you coffee."  Well, who am I to turn down such an invitation?  I got my keys and wallet, and I climbed in.

It was an excellent decision.  We walked into the store, and the first thing I saw was a thing I needed:  tie dye.  OK, I know what you are thinking.  You think nobody ACTUALLY NEEDS tye dye, but you are mistaken.  I do.  See, daughter has a window, with blinds, but no curtain. Recently, I bought a 5 buck Walmart single sheet, which she was intending to use as a backdrop for a puppet show presentation of "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  I kept saying, "BRING BACK THE SHEET WHEN YOU ARE DONE."  My intention at the time was that she would draw or paint all over this backdrop, and when she was done with it, I would tear it into strips and include it in my rag rug.  but... she thought she wasn't allowed to draw or paint on it, because I kept asking for it back, so she didn't.  So it's a perfectly good, non-raggy sheet.  So I am going to tye dye it and hang it as a curtain at her naked, boring window.  It will be fab.  I plan to dye it teal, or some kind of nice color that is close, and I will then simply drape it over a curtain rod.  I plan to put two vintage knobs or something like that on either side of the window, and the sheet can be pulled aside over the knobs or just left to hang straight.  The window is narrow enough that the sheet will be gathered.  Inside my brain, this is really a fun looking window treatment.

If it turns out well, I am going to buy six more of these cheap, 5 buck Walmart single sheets, and do the windows in the rest of our apartment.

And if THAT turns out well, I'm going to have to figure out a way to do something similar for the sliding glass door in the living room.

I'm on a roll, people.  There's TIE DYE to be done.

I spent a chunk of my time tonight looking at youtube videos about how to tie various patterns... like, peace signs, and mandala stars, and spirals, and circles, and stripes.  So fun.

While we were at the craft store, just to make the entire experience perfect, I got to touch YARN.  You know this wide mesh "yarn" that knits up into a ruffle?  well...  they had it on sale, and this lady was standing there demonstrating the glories of this stuff, which I frankly hate to knit with, but .. ok, I was almost tempted, anyhow.  and she was teaching Friend's Daughter to finger crochet, and she was teaching Friend's Other Daughter how to knit with the ruffly stuff, and another little girl (about 6 years old) came over, all fascinated, and I had the MOST fun teaching her to finger crochet.  She was so cute, and so proud of herself.  Bright little thing, too.  She caught right on.

That little dose of happy, that time with my friend, that success and creative impulse, that chance to teach a child, all of that good stuff completely changed my outlook from a self-pitying, self-loathing, self-critical, self-obsessed negative person to a person who felt joyful, lucky, grateful, positive, and happy.

I went home, finished my yoga and really, had a pretty good day.

Thanks, Good Friend of the Day.

I didn't knit today.

I didn't knit, or weave, or work on my toothbrush rug.  I didn't touch fiber in a creative way, at all.  Not even once.

What the ^&*( was I thinking?!

Now it's midnight, and I'm downright squirrelly, digging around deep in the depths of pinterest for pictures of yarn, like a teenage boy searching for porn.  ooohhh, ahhh, is that an antique walking wheel?  what kind of fiber is she spinning?  how on earth do you draft out that far?  quick, google "how to draft fiber" ...   yeah, baby.  

I'll be making time for my art tomorrow, that's for sure.  This yarny stuff, it feeds my soul.

Yarntrap

Yarn is the one thing in my world that Just Doesn't Go Away.  Ever.  If yarn was a shark, it's got hold of my leg and it's dragging me under.  Seriously.  I am drowning in yarn.  I have a huge lane chest full, and two huge plastic bins the same size as the lane chest full, and probably enough yarn to fill yet another plastic bin that size, with some left over.  I have been in the process of going through my stash, and I have discovered a few things.

1.  I am apparently a process knitter.  You cannot call yourself a product knitter if you NEVER FINISH A PRODUCT.  I have finished so very few things, that I must be a process knitter.  The processes the I love the most involve planning, designing, writing out a pattern, adjusting and customizing an existing pattern, choosing the materials, starting the work -- even the swatching.  I like swatching.  GO FIGURE.  and guess what?  NONE of those things gets me a sweater to wear.  Not a one.

2.  All that stuff in #1?  BS.   I'm an ADHD knitter.  No product can hold my attention long enough to get finished.  Some call it fickle, but I call it...  oh, look, angora!

3.  My looms scare me.  I have a very nice little 24" rigid heddle loom that is currently wearing a purple double heddle woven bit of fabric that MUST be nearly done... and yet I don't work on it.  I look at it, and I think to myself, "but what if i'm doing it wrong?"  and "how will i finish it?"   OH, my. So there it sits, begging me to come back and finish it up - and I suppose eventually I will.  I want to make other things, don't you know.

4.  I love fiber.  I mean, the fiber itself, the skeins of yarn, the balls of wool, they call to me.  Loud.  Even the ugly ones.  Deep in the HUGE selection of stash yarn in my little home, there are some tragically ugly skeins of yarn... and I just can't toss them in the trash.  I mean...  ugly babies need love too.  

5.  I love learning new ways to knit, weave and spin.  I have in recent days spent chunks of time looking on the internet at the different ways of knitting and weaving, just for the sake of seeing "how they do that!"  and I love it.  I love seeing the ways that people have made themselves different kinds of tools for their fiber craft, and I love the ways that people have hacked this loom or that to do different kinds of things.  I have never DONE any Brioche knitting, but I am learning all about it and I will probably cast something on at some point, just so I can try it.  I don't use a spinning wheel, but I owned one for a minute or two about a decade ago, because I wanted to know how it worked.  Once I understood it, I was done with it, and I finally sold it to a lovely lady who gave it a good home and a productive purpose.

6.  I hold fibergrudges.  This is a shame.  I mean, you know That Skein that's left over from That Ugly Failed Garment?  You know the garment.  It's the one that had the hateful stitch, or the horrible mistake in the pattern, and you just QUIT the project because it was so frustrating and hideous?  You hurled it in the farthest, most forgotten depth of your yarn stash, to give it an eternal time-out?  Yeah.  there's the leftover yarn, right THERE.   It's actually not ugly yarn.  It's ok.  It's nice wool, with some bamboo or something luxurious mixed in.  It's probably expensive.  and will I use THAT YARN?  NO.   why?  because it is associated with the UGLY FAILED HATEFUL ABANDONED BEASTLY THING.  

7.  I'm a fibervangelist. Yes.  Witness:
  ME:  sitting in the waiting area of .. some office where I'm waiting.  Knitting (a cotton mesh market bag, if you must know.
  RANDOM CHICK:  Oh, wow!   that's so cool!
  ME:  (a bit smugly, and in complete agreement)  Why, thank you.
  CHICK:  My grandmother knits like that.
  ME:  (eyes narrowing, and thinking unkind things about CHICK)  I'm sure she and I would get along, then.  All us old ladies who knit love each other.
  CHICK:  (completely missing the bitterness under that comment)  Of course!  I could never do that.  
  ME:  (sensing a potential convert to yarnishness)  Sure you could.  If you can write your name, you know,  then you have all the dexterity you need.
  CHICK:  (almost ready to take the bait)  You think?
  ME:  you know, I'm here most Tuesdays, I could teach you...  
  CHICK:  Could I make a scarf?
  ME:  (gotcha!)  Sure!  (whipping out paper and making a list)  Here's what to get and where, and I'll get you started next week.

8.  My yarn makes me feel smarter.  I know stuff about it that lots of other people don't know.  I know stuff about the tools and the fibers and the fabrics.  I have preferences about kinds of wool and blends of fibers and shapes and lengths and brands of needles.   I know what a rigid heddle is, and I know what an inkle band is, and I know what a Turkish spindle does that is really cool.  (It makes a center pull ball, so you don’t have to rewind your singles!  And I know what center pull balls are, and I know what singles are!)

9.  I only give knitted things to people I really, really like.  A lot.  Because yeah, it might not cost that much in dollars (ok, that’s usually a lie:  yarn for a really nice sweater can cost $150 or even twice that much) but it costs a lot more in brains and time and energy and thought.  I think about people when I knit for them.  I don’t want to think about people I don’t really like, so I don’t knit for them.   If I give you so much as a little lacy bookmark, it means I really, really like you.

9.  My yarn motivates me to play with yarn.

And with that, I’m going to go finish up the handle on that market bag, weave in the ends, and give it as a gift to a friend.